What Happened After
by Glazier Blue
Summary: From the episode "The Power inside her." Casey Jones unexpectedly discovers that Donatello has been keeping a painful secret, even from his family after he was atomised.


What Happened After

Casey POV

This had to have been the weirdest few weeks ever in the history of anyone having green mutant friends, and that's saying something. I mean Red and I have time travelled with these guys. Seen the earth end… then come back. Gone into space with a Robot, and met some pretty bad ass aliens. I have clashed heads with mutants twice my size, but more importantly, I had won. I was beginning to think that nothing could ever bother these guys. In comparison to their lives, everything else is just plain old borrrrring! But now, things with the turtles are just tense.

It's been this way ever since April had been possessed by that alien crystal thing, and blew Donnie up. Oh man did that _really_ shake them! Heck it shook _me_ up! Good thing April had somehow managed to bring him back. I really don't know how, but that should have been it and a happy ending for all. Alien god lady destroyed.

Sure April felt pretty dang guilty after. But the Brainiac and his brothers are nothing if not forgiving, so no big deal right?…. But yes, there is a _'but'_ in here somewhere. Apparently the Brainiac has become super withdrawn from everyone. Yes he still smiled, went to his fighting classes' thing with Splinter, ate pizza, and watched movies with the rest of us… But a lot of the time he was quieter, and that wasn't because he was working on his _'lab stuff,'_ something was just …. _off._ Personally I hadn't noticed anything until Raph mentioned it the other night on patrol. He was so eager to get home. _Not like him at all._ The thing was everyone had tried to talk to Dee about what happened. Even Raph. Raph told me the other night that he had cornered his nerdy brother in his lab and wouldn't let him out till Donnie told him what was bothering him. Leo had tried his traditional pep talk. Mikey had done his sweet, sickly, constant nagging thing that he does. That didn't work either. Strange. Now two weeks later the big guns were out. Splinter had called the big purple brain into the Dojo to see him, and now Raph was keen to get home and find out the outcome. Hope it went well then things around here could get back to normal.

….

*Three days later.*

I came to my own conclusion that _the 'talk'_ with the super brain ninja hadn't gone so well. When I went to the lair, I really _really_ began to notice the tension the hot head had been on about. Now they all had it, and Donnie was nowhere to be seen.

In Mikey's words "He wouldn't talk to sensei, then we all got into a fight with him, now he's avoiding us. Gone to the junk yard on his own." The poor dude told me this while slumming on the couch. Well that was a downer… But that was nothing to what happened later that night.

I have been hanging out with the turtles to long. I never use the streets to travel anymore. Always by roof now. But this time I was alone, I was passing by Red's apartment rooftop when I came across the Brainiac himself. He was just sitting there on the edge of the building, looking up at the…was he star gazing?

"Hi Casey." Donnie said with a tired sigh. He hadn't even turned around to greet me.

"Dude how you'd know it was me? I could have been the Shredder for all you knew." I laughed walking up behind him.

"You need to shower." Was all he said – wait! Is he saying I smell? Someone who lives in the sewers is telling _me_ to shower? Nice.

Still he hadn't turned around, but just continued to look up. The silence started to drag out awkwardly. Was I supposed to say something here? Maybe he was waiting for me to excuse myself and go on my merry way. But for some reason, and to this day I don't know why, I asked.

"You ok Brainiac?" I said kind of awkwardly.

Again he sighs, but this time I could hear the slight irritation in it. Obviously he had been asked that question one to many times this week. But I couldn't exactly take it back.

"I'm fine." The tone in his voice was a sure sign that I should just leave, and yet I didn't. Why? Hell I really don't know. The purple smartass and me have never really been that close. In fact in the beginning I think it's safe to say we loathed each other, on account of our rivalry over Red. (I smiled at the thought of her.) But since that episode with the mutant car, we had sort of formed something that could possibly be described as a friendship… I guess. And he had saved my hide more than once. He wasn't so bad. Again I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the heat around it as I looked over the nerd as he looked out over the city.

"Say Dee…"oh crap what am I doing? "You know your brother's, they're a bit worried about you, and well, you know if there's anything I can do to help?" Oh man this _is_ awkward. I am not a girl. I can't talk about stuff… well if the turtles can do it I guess I can too.

"Thanks Casey but you can't." Donnie said dismissively. Never one to take a hint… Well I could, but I wouldn't tell him that, I decided to sit down on the ledge not too far from him. I knew it was crazy. I couldn't understand most of the stuff he said on a good day, and besides why would this turtle want to talk to _me_ anyway? He had a support network beyond anyone I knew. Three overly protective brothers, and a father who was nothing less than a mind reader… But least of all April. He was still all _dreamy eyes_ around her. (Like in your dreams dude!) But he wouldn't even talk to her about it. He only kept telling her not to blame herself, and then he would move onto another subject so fast that I'm surprised he didn't get whiplash. Guess this was serious _._ They have all tried, but according to Raph the beanpole had turned his shell on all of them. Well maybe that was the problem.

"Listen Donatello…" I started, hoping the use of his full name would convince him that I was at least trying to be sincere… Oh I really was no good at this emotional stuff. I missed Raph. When he had a problem we go out and fight, but Donnie wasn't like that so...

"I don't judge…. You know you can talk to me-"

"Why do you even want to know Casey? So you can laugh? Tell April how weird I am?" He snapped.

"No no dude you know better than that by now. Seriously no judging." I held up my giant gloved hands in surrender.

I noticed him looking away, supressing a smirk. Well that was a good sign. "Sorry." He muttered.

Another pause and I decided this wasn't going well, but I would have one more crack at it, as least to say I tried. "You know dude, sometimes its better talking to someone you're not so close too." I didn't know why I was pushing him really. It was the nerdy turtle's business. Yet I knew him being distant was bothering everyone. Maybe I was becoming more connected with this family, because it just seemed to bother me to.

I expected that tight-lipped thousand-yard stare he liked to hide behind when physically barricading himself into his room wasn't an option, but at my last statement he actually looked sideways at me before back down at his lap.

The look said he was considering me. I honestly didn't expect him to speak, so when he did I had to stop myself from jumping a little. "Everyone's thinking I'm shook up because that alien that possessed April had blown me up." Donnie sighed.

Wow! I had actually done it! I had gotten the most tightly lipped turtle to actually say a word on the subject.

As to not make him feel pressured, I too start looking out over the city. He really did just need to let this out… Of course that's what was bothering him, I quickly concluded. How many people would be chatty and rainbows after being… well _atomised?_ Was that the right word? I'm sure I would be pretty messed up in Donnie's place too.

"Yeah we were all pretty shook up about that. Must have been bad. Good thing you don't remember any of it…." I tried my most sympathetic voice, but Donnie just shook his head. Oh man was I sounding patronising? I didn't mean to be. I really do suck at this.

"It's not about that. It's what happened after." He said in a quiet voice, still looking at the hands that he had curled together tightly in his lap.

I looked at him questioningly. "You mean after April brought you back?"

"No before then…." I watched him sigh again. The nerd actually looked to be struggling with his words. There was a first – wait did he just say " _before then_?" Ok now I really was confused. He was nothing before then. He had been atomised!?

"I lied to my brothers." He said finally. "I said I didn't remember what happened. I could feel it, being torn apart… It was like a slow excruciating explosion from the inside-" He cut himself off for a moment, and I couldn't repress a wince. Poor bloke – I mean turtle! But he hadn't finished.

"But that wasn't even the worse part." He said softly looking out over the roof tops now.

" _It wasn't?"_ Crap I didn't mean to ask that. The Brainiac glanced at me before looking back. I could tell that he was thinking about saying more. But he had started now, and if I knew the nerd, he hated not finishing something he had started.

"No it was seeing April. I could see her, the _real_ her. Behind her eyes trying to stop, but she couldn't, and I thought this was it, and I would never feel anything again. That I wouldn't be aware of anything ever again, but…. _I was."_ A strange look came over the turtle's face. "I _was_ aware, and…. All I knew was that I was…. _happy."_ He said the last word genuinely surprised that he had said it.

At that I turned my head and looked directly at him. Dee had a slight smile on his face. Not a happy smile. A ghostly one, like when you're reliving a happy memory….? I knew that look. That's how I looked when I thought about winning my first hockey game back in third grade. But Dee's smile was so much more than that. In fact don't think he was even fully aware that I was here listening to him.

"Wherever I was sent after, I was happy, and….. _at peace."_ He stated this as a matter of fact. "I knew there was danger, but I also knew you were all going to be alright… I just KNEW it. Time didn't mean anything. I can't really describe any visual forms, but I was still _me_ ya' know." He looked at me again with a smile before looking down. "I knew I wasn't finished. It wasn't my time….but at least I knew I was safe." He took another deep breath as though trying to calm himself. I was holding mine too, too nervous to even breathe in case I disturbed him. I had actually gotten him to open up, and I couldn't believe what was pouring out. This…this I hadn't been expecting.

"Master Splinter has always talked about a place you go after you die. I always figured it was a nice notion but, as a scientist, I related it to something more like, you know, the different dimensions, or even time travel… Maybe being in space, but nothing you would actually be aware of. But it wasn't anything like that at all….I…I think I was in _Heaven_ …."

At the word Donnie even shuddered, but still with that misty ghostly smile on his face, then it vanished. "And now I'm not!" He said it so final, that for a moment I didn't think he was going to say anything else, but he did. "I _am_ grateful that I was brought back. I don't take second chances for granted, it's just…" He sighs yet again. "If someone dies they're not supposed to come back. No matter how unfair it is. They're not supposed to because after being somewhere like that, you wouldn't want too. Because you can't look at all this the same way again." He waved his hand in front of him like he was gesturing towards the city, but I got it. He was talking about _life._ Donnie's smile had completely gone now, and was replaced with a more defining unhappy tone. "And I know why now…. Everything here is hard, and painful, and violent. There's just so much hatred everywhere you turn, and there is no real reason for it." He shook his head. I could see the anger creeping in him, but then it just deflated in defeat. "I'm glad to be back, to be with my family and friends, but it's hard to be here because…because I know the truth now." A long pause. Obviously to keep me in suspense. "This here. What we are living in.This is _Hell!"_

At that I blinked. He was being serious…

"How am I supposed to say that to my brother's without sounding terrible? Its sounds like I'm not glad to be alive and I know they would take it that way." He sighs again. "I am glad to be here with them, but I guess it's like having a sneak preview to a new movie. Spoils the whole thing. It's just. I wish I could forget because it's hard be here now everyday knowing what I know…." He trailed off finally looking at me, looking carefully over my expression. Probably hoping I wasn't mad at his thinking. I wasn't, I just felt really sad for him. I mean _what_ are you supposed to say to something like that? A near death experience was one thing, but he was talking about an… an _'after life'_ experience. Whoa, that is heavy stuff, and he was carrying it all around with him like his shell. I could almost feel the pain coming off of him. Then he got up so fast that I jumped a little.

"No one can ever know what I told you Casey. Not ever! No one is supposed to know that there is a place after here." I knew that tone meant there was no room for arguing, and really I was too stunned to do anything else but nod anyways. At that he turned from me and ran, practically flying in the air and landing on the next building before disappearing into the night and leaving me with a completely gobsmacked looking face. Gobsmacked at this knew conformation. But I didn't actually know if I should be less or more concerned about my purple mutant friend? And _I_ had to keep it a secret…? Gee this one would be a doozy to keep, and I don't think I can do it…. Crap why did I have to ask.

Putting that aside, what was I supposed to do now? His brothers were worried and if they knew that I knew something, they wouldn't be too happy with me, but I made a promise and it was clearly a big deal. I should have thought about that before I opened my big stupid mouth. Crap crap crap and wow… there's really a Heaven? Cool.


End file.
